In this post, we’ll talk about what male validation means, why you might be seeking it, and share 9 steps to help you stop seeking validation from men – once and for all!
What is Male Validation?
Male validation is about wanting approval from guys. It might look like dressing a certain way just to get their attention, posting specific pictures on social media, or always agreeing with what they say instead of having your own opinions. You’re doing things to win their approval rather than doing what feels true to you.
Why Do I Seek Male Validation and Is It a Bad Thing?
- Need for Connection: We’re social creatures, so it’s natural to want to bond with others, which often leads to seeking acceptance.
- Need for Mating: As human beings, we have a desire to mate with the opposite sex, and according to evolutionary psychology, this can make us crave that validation.
- Low Self-Esteem: You feel better when men give you attention and compliments. You see it as confirmation of your beauty and worthiness.
- Lack of Validation as a Child: Growing up without validation, especially from a father, can lead to seeking approval from men as an adult.
- Absence of a Father Figure: Not having a father figure in your life or having a distant father can create a void that you might be trying to fill by seeking validation and attention from other men.
Now, seeking male validation is normal since we naturally want to mate and connect with the opposite sex. We all want to be loved and accepted. But the real problem happens when you need approval and attention from men so badly that your worth depends on it.
That you care so much about what men think, whether they want you, and what you can do to make them like you that you actually don’t even know who you are anymore. This is where it gets problematic. Because you sacrifice your authenticity for their approval.
And while it’s not your fault that you’ve been seeking male validation, breaking that cycle is your responsibility. So that you can live a life that feels true to yourself. Here are 9 steps on how to stop seeking male validation.
How to Stop Seeking Male Validation?
1. Attention Isn’t Love
I came to realize this some time ago. If you truly want to experience love, remember that just because men give you attention doesn’t mean it will lead to true love. It’s just that – attention. Nothing more.
I mean, what’s the point in caring about 100 men giving you attention when, in reality, you wouldn’t want something from most of them, right? So why bother wanting their attention in the first place?
It’s absolutely draining and exhausting to chase after attention that doesn’t lead to anything meaningful. Not to mention, it won’t ever make you happy or fulfilled.
Instead, take some time to think about what you really want in a relationship. How do you want that relationship to look like? How do you want to feel? How do you want to be treated?
2. Your Worth Doesn’t Depend on Their Validation
This is another thing I want you to realize: Your worth and beauty don’t depend on whether men give you attention and validation. You are enough just as you are. Simply existing means you are already enough. Repeat this to yourself until you believe it.
Tip: You could also create your own affirmations, record them, and play them in the morning after waking up and before drifting off to sleep. This will help imprint on your mind faster that you are enough and worthy. Alternatively, you can listen to affirmation videos on YouTube.
I love this one affirmation video! I listen to it every single day. It really helps in realizing your worthiness of love and learning to love yourself more.
3. Reframe Negative Beliefs
We’ve touched on this in the previous step, but feeling not good enough is just one negative belief you might hold about yourself.
Start by writing down all the negative beliefs you have, like thinking you aren’t worthy of love or a relationship, that you aren’t good enough, or that rejection means you’re not lovable or attractive enough. Once you have them listed, it’s time to reframe each one into a more positive belief.
For example:
- Instead of saying, “Rejection means I’m not good enough,” try reframing it to: “Rejection is a part of life and doesn’t reflect my worth. It simply means that this connection wasn’t the right fit for me.”
- If you think, “Being single means I’m not lovable,” you can say, “Being single means I get to spend time getting to know myself better. I am whole on my own, and the right person will come into my life at the perfect time.”
For these new beliefs, look for evidence to reinforce them and make them easier to accept. This could be examples from other people’s lives or your own experiences. You might even recall a time when you experienced personal growth while being single or when a rejection led to something better down the line.
Remember, it will take time to fully adopt these new beliefs, so please be persistent and patient and don’t give up.
4. Self-Awareness
This involves actively being aware of the things you think and do. So, every time you feel like the next thing you’re about to do is for the approval of men and their attention, stop right there.
And then simply don’t do it. Instead, think about what you would do for yourself.
For example, say you’re getting dressed, and you pick an outfit but know deep down you’re wearing it for the male gaze. Pause for a moment and choose something you actually want to wear. Something that feels right for you and isn’t just meant to impress them.
Or if you want to agree on something just because you think they will like you more instead of voicing your own opinion. Pause for a second and just say what’s on your mind. And not what you think they want to hear. Have your own mind, always.
Tip: To help you build this self-awareness, consider starting a journal where you note down your feelings and motivations whenever you seek validation. This will help you pinpoint your triggers. The better you understand your motivations and yourself, the better you’ll be able to respond in those situations.
5. Remember Who You Are
This can be so easy to forget when lots of things you do are for the attention and approval of men or anyone else for that matter.
Remind yourself of all the good qualities you have that have nothing to do with physical appearance. Your looks should always be the least interesting thing about you. Otherwise, what would be left when you get old and looks fade, right?
So, write down a list of at least 20 things you like about yourself (the more, the better) and keep that list in your notes on your phone. Whenever you struggle with low self esteem, check that list to remind yourself of how amazing you truly are as a person.
Think about your strengths, talents, and personality traits.
Additionally, think about your values and beliefs, because these shape your identity just as much. What really matters to you in life?
When you know your values, it becomes easier to make decisions that align with who you truly are. This can help you work toward your goals and clearly communicate what you want and need.
6. What Do You Truly Want?
We’ve already talked about your qualities and values, which are the foundation of everything. But it doesn’t stop there. This is about you and your own life, so ask yourself what you truly want.
What goals do you have for yourself? Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years? What are some things you’ve been wanting to try but haven’t yet? Which styles would you love to explore? What kind of woman do you want to become?
Answering these questions can really help you get a clearer vision of how you want your life to go and lead to a more meaningful and fulfilling life. One that isn’t about what others, including men, think you should do.
7. Be Yourself
You can never find your people or a partner when you’re not being authentic to yourself. You’ll constantly have to wear a mask to cover your true self. How exhausting is that? I know it can be scary to be yourself because not everyone will love it, but that’s totally fine. Being liked by everyone isn’t the goal anyway.
And when you’ve been seeking male validation, chances are you’ve put on that mask, thinking it will make them like you more and give you more attention. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. And I mean, wouldn’t you rather be liked for who you really are instead of who you’re pretending to be?
So take some time to think about your true self. Visualize and write down how you would think, act, dress, and talk if men weren’t the center of your life. Then, little by little, start to embody this true version of you. The ones who love it will love it, and the ones who don’t won’t. So what?
8. Validate Yourself
Whenever you catch yourself needing external validation from men or anyone else, take a moment to stop and validate yourself instead. Instead of waiting for someone to compliment your outfit, look in the mirror and say, “Wow, I look cute in this!” It might feel a bit awkward at first, but the more you do it, the more natural it will feel.
Or if a man rejects you, tell yourself, “I am enough as I am, and my worth doesn’t depend on whether a man chooses me or not.” This mindset helps you avoid seeking validation from right away from other men.
Ultimately, validating yourself builds your self-esteem and confidence over time. Before you know it, you’ll find you need less and less affirmation from others.
9. Have a Men Detox
Basically, a men detox means spending a set period without involving any men in your life. No dating app, no dates, no flirting, nothing. You can start with one month, but definitely aim for more. This will help you take men off the pedestal and focus entirely on yourself and your life.
Use this time to really dive into who you are, what you want, and what you’re looking for in a partner. Rethink your standards and boundaries and consider how you want your life to go. What happens during this detox is that you detach from the need for male attention and approval, which means you’ll care a lot less about it overall.
The plot twist? This often makes you even more magnetic. I can say this from personal experience – when I stopped worrying about who wanted me and who didn’t, I ended up getting more attention than ever before.
And here’s the best part: even though you may attract more guys during or after your detox, their attention won’t build or break your confidence. You simply won’t care either way.
I trust this post on how to stop seeking male validation helps you overcome the need for approval from men. With these action steps, you can start focusing on yourself and becoming the woman who has her own mind and does things she truly likes and wants to do. And not to please others or be more liked by men.
