You know, I’ve been on these dating apps for a little while now. And let me tell you, I used to think that I had actually become quite confident in myself. But on these dating apps, you really get tested in the beginning. Rejection truly can make you question yourself, your appearance, your whole being. I know it sounds dramatic, but it has been like this for me. Maybe you can relate? Sometimes I wondered why it bothered me so much whether I’m getting a “like” or not until I figured it out. You know, I don’t think you’ll ever get to a point where you don’t care at all. But I do believe that you can get over dating rejection for the most part. Just so that you can date men without putting yourself down all the time.
1. The Cause
The thing is that if we didn’t have any problems or insecurities, we wouldn’t care that much. We wouldn’t question ourselves that much. For me, it was the feeling of thinking that I’m not good enough. And you can find out what triggers you by watching your thoughts.
What are you thinking or feeling every time you’re being “rejected”? Do you think you’re not pretty enough? Smart enough? Good enough? You need to find out first what the problem is before you can move on.
2. Rejection isn’t Rejection
What I love to keep in mind is that rejection is a way too harsh a word. It sounds like it’s a bad thing, right? In reality, it’s not. Not at all. It just means that that person wasn’t the right fit for you. No matter whether you’ve actually dated them or whether they’ve just not liked your profile.
Be honest with yourself here: would you truly want someone who doesn’t want you? That makes no sense to me. I just feel like sometimes all we want is validation and attention. Even if it doesn’t get us anywhere.
For example, I went on a date with someone who’s an amazing person. Respectful, attentive, smart, kind, you name it. I just wasn’t drawn to him despite him being “perfect”. After the date, we didn’t text as much as we used to. To be honest, it didn’t bother me a lot, but it somehow did? I guess in that moment, I wanted him to want me even though I didn’t want him.
Moral of the story? Rejection is never a bad thing. The only thing that hurts is your ego. At least in most cases.
3. Seeking Validation Is a Problem
Let’s stick to the topic of validation for a second. Truthfully, that’s always the biggest problem. Because if you don’t care about who and how many people give you attention, then you would never doubt yourself every time you’re getting rejected.
That’s why it’s so important to work on that. I’m working on it too.
And honestly, not getting much attention is the best way of working through it. I never dealt too much with men in my life (except for work), so I was used to not getting much attention from them. It also never bothered me. However, now that I’m actively dating, it’s changed. Which made me realize that you never truly heal until you’re being triggered. You have to put yourself out there and get triggered. That’s the only way you’ll grow and learn and become less receptive to attention.
You’ll soon learn that attention is just that – attention. At first, it makes you feel kinda proud maybe? But then you realize that that’s never what you wanted in the first place. You want someone who chooses you and who wants you.
And at some point, all the likes and all the dates that don’t turn into anything substantial won’t bother you at all. They won’t boost your self-esteem anymore, nor will they lower it.
So, text men first, go on dates, and most importantly: get rejected.
How to Get Over Dating Rejection
I think I’ve talked enough about the why’s and feelings but now I want to dive a little bit deeper into the how.
1. Notice Your Thoughts
Whenever something happens, a guy hasn’t liked you back or rejected you after the first date, notice what you believe about yourself. I know for me it’s “Am I not good enough?”. This is recurring. And to be honest, it doesn’t even have much to do with men because I know this is what I’ve been thinking about myself for years.
What you’ll notice is that the thoughts you’re thinking about yourself actually make some of your deep-rooted patterns visible. And these situations with men basically just trigger that belief about yourself. But they’ve been there all along.
2. Triggers
As I have mentioned earlier, you have to get triggered as much as you can. Get rejected as often as possible. Rejection therapy might really be a thing after all.
You may get 100 no’s, but maybe that one yes will completely change your love life for the better. So what if you knew that you had to get past these 100 nos to meet the love of your life? I doubt you’d be so sad about getting rejected. I actually try to live with this mindset too, and I must say it gets better every day. Try to keep this in mind.
3. Know What You Want
Instead of going on a date, wondering whether he likes you, ask yourself do I even like him? Like, why do you care so much whether he likes you when you have to be the one who potentially spends your life with that dude? I feel like I’m talking to myself right now, haha.
But seriously, you have to like him, and if you don’t, who cares whether he likes you. This is your life and not his. After all, you want to find the right partner and not just a random guy who is obsessed with you.
So: get crystal clear on what it is that you want. What are you looking for in a man? What are your 3 non-negotiables? How do you view your life with your dream partner? Answer these questions first and stick to that. Oh, and be a little bit realistic about it. 6 figures, blue eyes, handsome, nice car? I hope we’re over that trend by now.
4. Work on Yourself
Having insecurities is normal, but they might cost you your relationships. Being insecure about yourself, negative, and just miserable won’t get you the relationship of your dreams. I also know that by now. At the end of the day, you want to be happy with YOURSELF. And with your life.
Because that’s what you’re living right now. It’s your life and your responsibility to fix whatever is not going well. Whether that’s your career, your friendships, your family, or your self-esteem. Work on that first. Work on becoming the happiest and most content version of yourself. Focus on you.
And of course, that doesn’t mean you should stop dating. Not at all. Just don’t make it your number one priority. Be a little bit more chill about it, you know?. Don’t force things ever. That will never work out. And I can tell you, when you’re a little bit more detached and busy with life, you won’t care that much anymore about being rejected.
5. You’re Not Late
You know, I’m 25 now, and I must say I’ve felt a little pressure to meet my future husband. And it just doesn’t seem to work out with anyone at the moment. Then I’m like, “But I’m already old”. Sometimes we really need to talk nicer to ourselves. Even 30 isn’t old or 35. I know people who’ve found love at 70.
Like, we need to stop rushing our lives and chasing an imaginary timeline that society has created for us. Everyone has their own life path. And we all have time. Plus, I’d rather be single than miserable in a relationship.
So, let’s keep looking, but without the pressure. There’s no need for that. We’ll all find love when our time is right, and it might just be when we least expect it.
This post was about how to get over dating rejection
I truly hope this post was helpful to you and you learned something from it. We’re all in the same boat here. Rejection doesn’t define us, but it leads us on the right track. And only God knows how often we have to get rejected to meet the man of our dreams. It’s just a matter of time, though.
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